사랑을 잃고 상심하신 분들께 (2011년 1월 4일)

지난 해 마지막 날 받은 메일은 슬펐습니다. 16년간 함께 살던 강아지가 열흘 전부터 물만으로 연명하더니

결국 숨졌다는 소식이었습니다. 강아지 나이 16년이면 사람으론 70이 넘은 나이, 적잖이 살았다고 할 수도 있는 일이겠지만, 사랑하는 이와 사별하는 건 언제든 너무 이른 법이지요.

 

저도 15년간 함께 산 강아지를 잃은 적이 있습니다. 새벽 평창동 언덕에 '꼬미'를 묻고 한참 앓았던 기억이 납니다. 생전 잘해준 일은 하나도 기억나지 않고 잘못했던 일만 갈수록 새록하니, 사랑을 잃은 사람이 겪는 괴로움은 한두 가지가 아닙니다.

 

그리고 이 아픈 기억이 가르치는 건 너무나 쉬운 한 가지, '있을 때 잘하라'입니다. 정말 올해엔 제 주변의 소중한 사람들에게 잘해야겠습니다. 그들이 떠난 후 후회하지 않게, '있을 때 잘'해야겠습니다. 삼가 신디(Cindy)의 명복을 빕니다.

 

"Cindy died just past mid-night last night. She died peacefully. For about last ten days she lived only with water. She turned away from all food she liked. Earlier in the evening I forced-fed her some warm milk with the bottle which I used to feed the poppies when she was up looking for the water bowl in front of the sink. She managed to swallow about half bottle but not too long after, she had the diarrhrea again.  About ten thirty, I noticed her feet were starting to get cold.  I guessed then she wasn't going to last long.  
 
I gave her final bath and clipped her long nails which she didn't like me to do.  I also laundried her soft pad on which she used to rest her body along with her favorite stuffed puppy toy which got all dirty from her licking. When I finally got finished, it was just over 3 a.m. this morning. She's now in the other room in a large pear cardboard box with her favorite things, looking as if she in a deep sleep.  When the snow melts in the next few days, I'm going to cremate her with piles of dried branches from the orchard as the ground is all frozen for a burial.  During the past sixteen years, she was loved and was well cared for. But now, I wish I had done more.
 
Very sorry to give you the bad news."