고독의 종말: End of Solitude (2024년 12월 12일)

인터넷 바다에서 2009년에 쓴 글을 우연히 만났습니다. 

코리아타임스에 Random Walk라는 제목의 칼럼을 9년쯤

연재했는데, 그때 썼던 글중 한 편인 것 같습니다. 3월 27일 

인터넷 판에 올랐으니 종이 신문에는 28일자에 실렸겠지요?

 

친구 중에 만남을 키우기 좋아하는 사람이 있습니다.

그와 저, 둘이 만나기로 했는데 나가 보면 두 사람이 더

온다거나, 셋이 만나기로 했는데 예닐곱이 된다거나...

 

그 친구는 사람의 수가 많아지면 많아질수록 즐거워서

그러겠지만, 저는 수가 많아지면 보기만 해도 힘이 듭니다.

홀로 있는 것, '고독'한 상태를 즐기는 성향 때문이겠지요.

 

미국대사관 정보자료센터에서 보내준 고등교육연대기에서

전 예일대 교수 윌리엄 데레저위츠 (William Deresiewicz)의 

'End of Solitude'를 읽고 용기를 내어 썼던 것 같습니다.

 

그 글은 SNS를 통해 끝없이 타인들과의 연결을 좇음으로써

고독의 가능성 자체를 피하는 젊은이들을 염려하며,

"고독은 진실하고 온전한 자기 자신을 유지하고 탐구할 수

있게" 하며 지속적으로 책을 읽게 하여 미국 작가 마릴린 로빈슨이

말한 '두 번째 자아 (second self)를 만나게 해준다고 얘기합니다.

그러니 문제는  '고독'이 아니고  '고독의 종말'이라는 것이지요. 

 

End of Solitude

By Kim Heung-sook

It was four in the beginning. I invited two professors and

a long-time friend to lunch. I had made some money owing

to one of the professors, and I wanted to express appreciation.

Then my friend sent an e-mail to the three of us, informing that

another trio was coming to lunch, too. I felt uneasy but couldn't

oppose, as the e-mail had also been sent to the additional three.

My friend had done this type of ``enlargment" several times in

the past without consulting the original participants. Once, she

and I agreed to take a walk through a small forest in my

neighborhood with a mutual friend. When I went to the entrance

at the designated hour, I learned that there were four more guests.

She's one of my closest friends and I was ― and am ― sure that

she invited the others with the best of intentions. She's a warm-hearted

person who likes to gather people.

While our friendship is decades old, we have a few discrepancies

that are just as old, and the most outstanding of them lies in her

tendency to socialize in big groups and my preference to solitude

and smaller gatherings. My friend organizes lunch or dinner meetings

and plans trips to scenic spots, the cinema or elsewhere. She often

invites me to these events and I often feel sorry for declining the offers.

It is not easy to say ``No" to your friend and it is even harder to say

``No" repeatedly. Sometimes, I accept her invitation even though

I don't really want to.

Probably because she enjoys meeting many people at one time,

my friend doesn't seem to understand how tiring such an experienc

e can be for a person like me whose energy is as limited and easily

dissolving as an old cellular phone battery. When I meet people, I try

to make it a one-table event or smaller. For me, such mini-groups not

only cost less energy but also provide a better atmosphere for

serious  talks. Even after I spend time with a small group, I need that

much time  to myself. Solitude is a staple food for me.

From time to time, I get reprimanded by friends and acquaintances

for failing to come to as many meetings as they want me to attend.

Some seem to think that I am haughty. To prevent misunderstanding, 

I try to tell the truth of why I'm not coming, but that doesn't seem to

help. I get puzzled looks or sneers that convey criticism: ``What's

wrong with  you? Are you that self-important?"

When I read William Deresiewicz's essay in a recent issue of The

Chronicle of Higher Education recently, therefore, I felt relieved,

to say the least. In the article, ``The End of Solitude," the literary

critic  says the contemporary self wants celebrity and connectivity

but that  it needs a time of solitude. He says solitude enables people

``to secure  the integrity of the self as well as to explore it."

Young people today seem to constantly try to stave off the possibility

of solitude, the former associate professor of Yale University says,

while  attempting to maintain the imaginative presence of others

through TV programs, and social messaging utilities that connect

people, such as Twitter and Facebook. As they lose solitude, he says,

they lose the propensity for introspection and examination of the self

and the related propensity for sustained reading that offers ``the

encounter with a second  self in the silence of mental solitude,"

American author Marilynne Robinson described.

On the other hand, Deresiewicz admits that solitude isn't for everyone

and that there is a price you have to pay for it. According to him, Henry

David Thoreau observed that solitude cultivates the ability to stand

back  and observe life dispassionately, which is easy to make people

in solitude "a little unpleasant" to their fellows. I have liked Thoreau's

way of thinking  and living ever since I read about it in my freshman

days. I am glad that I still share his thoughts, particularly on solitude:

``securing one's self-possession is worth a few wounded feelings."

Still, I hope my negative answers to invitations don't hurt my friend,

or anyone. If they ever did, I hope this piece will help heal the

``wounded feelings." One last thing: I would like to thank the U.S.

Embassy Information & Research Center  for sending this essay as

part of its electronic outreach efforts. Thank you for making continuous

endeavors for all the lack of reward on my part. Thank you for giving

me the opportunity to ``encounter with a second self" this time.